I am sure there are several people who are ill and would rather not use the term broken, but it is the term I use often for myself. Most of my illnesses are autoimmune diseases and there are no cures for any of them. They are a sentence of lifelong pain and not only discomfort but also a shortened life. My body is a prison that keeps me from being the person I use to be.
I have to stay home for the most part, as going out for the day means a many days of pain as my punishment. So while I watch my family go out for many fun little activities, I must smile and pass on the invitation to go along. This leads to a great deal of boredom. There are always cleaning chores that need to be done, but I am not always able to do that.
I want to be the person I was. Always so positive and ready to jump and go anywhere on a moments notice. Loved working and playing outside. Spending hours playing with my feathered ones. It has become a distant memory. I miss so much the person I was.
I now accept who I am for the most part and what I can and cannot do. I can now forgive myself for tears and anger towards all these dreadful diseases. Fortunately my depression has responded well to medications and so the tears are less than they use to be.
I have learned to be happy for every moment in life. I have learned to forgive those who have hurt me. I have learned to look at the world with new eyes and see how precious each blade of grass is.
I may struggle to keep positive some moments but I know that I am Loved by God and this is all just part of my journey and I am very blessed. I will continue to fight for each moment and I know God is helping me every step of the way. I will try my best to help others who feel trapped and alone with their illnesses as well.
So while I am broken, it took this for me to truly appreciate what my life here has been. My journey has been a blessed one regardless of the illnesses. I thank God for every moment he allows me to have here. I know once my time here ends that the next journey will be even better! So being Broken is not always a bad thing ❤